does this make me a bad person?

I was gettig out of Jeep at the bank the other day and in the car next to me was an old Japanese gentleman holding his little lap dog and waiting for someone to come back out. He was wearing a ballcap that was embroidered with "WWII Veteran", and the first thing I though was

..."which side were you on?"

They say it's MY birthday

I recently turned the big 4-0, that's right 40.

And amazingly, I feel - nothing. It passed with barely a whimper. I made a few jokes about it, but there really was no impact to me about it. A few people have said they don't actually believe I am 40, which is nice.

I'm actually a little disappointed in 40 so far. I expected something, not sure what, but something. Maybe the key to some new bit of wisdom or a memebership to a hidden fraternity, but...there is nothing. It's just like 39. I wanted some kind of payoff - now I just feel let down about the whole thing.

Oh well, I guess I just go on being me at 40.

They say it's your birthday!

The day has come, my oldest daughter has turned 16 today. She was born on a beautiful spring day in 1993, at Queens Medical Center in Honolulu, HI. I cried while I cut the umbilical cord and she was taking her first breaths. The birth was both the most beautiful and most disgusting thing I had even seen. If you have even witnessed a birth, you know what I mean. She was easy to spot in the nursery that day - the only blonde girl in there, surrounded by the dark hair and skin of the rest of the children.

It seems that so much time has passed, but there is so much more to come. Proms, graduations, wedding, and maybe her own children.

I am so proud of the person she is and I hope she will continue to be.

I love her.

Update on the diet

I have hit the dreaded plateau at 256 - I just can't seem to get past it. I think I am going to drop to phase 1 again to see if I can shock the system back into loss mode.

Frustrating.

Whatchoo need?

Sometimes I think my doctor is a drug dealer.

Nah, I'm kidding. But, seriously, I ask him for certain drugs that I have researched that might help with my aggression and bipolar issues and he gives them to me. Usually for 30 days, then I go back, he asks if they helped and if they did he gives me 6 months worth of them.

The latest is Abilify which, so far, is helping me a lot. I am sleeping better, controlling my buildups and outbursts better, and making me more level all around. The bad part is that one of the side effects is weight gain. I guess that means I need to try harder on the diet/exercise front to keep losing and reach my goals.

Less of me

I haven't posted on the results of the eating habits in a bit, but I am still seeing success and am now down 20 pounds from when I started. I am now tipping the scales at 257, only 7 more to go to meet my goal weight.

Once I get there, I will be evaluating how I feel and whether I should attempt to drop even more. The ongoing goals will be to tone and firm what is left of me. The weight loss is great, but I'm not totally hung up on the number and am ultimately more concerned with how I feel and look. I have a fairly large frame so I can carry the weight, but I don't want to end up looking like the saggy baggy elephant.

I have been going through a daily regimen of situps, treadmill and universal weight machine to attempt to get myself in better shape, firm and tone and increase endurance.

I'll post agin when I hit 250.

I must be cranky today

A few things are bugging me today -

• People that pay cash - or worse - write checks for gas. Pay at the pump, people!
• People that pass me on the right when I'm turning left - or worse - when the mistakenly think I'm turning left
• People that have 18-20 items in the 15 or less aisle.
  
• People using self checkout lane for the first time ever, and have NO idea how "this new fangled thing works"

Grrr - I guess I was just impatient today.

Oh - I forgot...

• Alex Rodriguez has been using "performance enhancing drugs", which are apparently different from steroids. Bullshit spin doctoring. It's amazing to me that everyone else was using steroids, but the poster boy of baseball was using "performance enhancing drugs".